Author: Paige Parker

Do you need to buy a gift for the special guy in your life? LET'S FACE IT: you're probably feeling pretty STRESSED about it!

...You've got a major DATING DILEMMA on your hands: should you give a gift to the man in your life, and if so, what should you get him?

I know, I know... in a perfect world we wouldn't
over-analyze seemingly trivial stuff like this.

But the truth is, almost everything you do in life
sends a MESSAGE (whether consciously or subconsciously).

Even more crucial than giving a gift your guy will enjoy
is selecting one that's APPROPRIATE for the current state
of your relationship.

In other words, you want to convey that you're THOUGHTFUL
without looking like you're OVER-THINKING things.

That being said, it's only natural that you're agonizing
a bit over this whole gift thing.

Well, stress no more! I'm here to help!

In today's Dish we're going to talk about GIFTS
THAT WON'T FREAK HIM OUT.

No matter what stage you find yourself in (flirting,
dating, or getting serious), you should find some tips
here that will help you decide how to handle these
tricky dating dilemmas!

SHOULD I GIVE MY CRUSH A CARD?

Good question!

I see absolutely nothing wrong with sending a
card to a man you're interested in provided that it's
clearly a generic, "this-comes-in-a-box-of-100-and-
I'm-sending-it-to-everyone-on-my-list," type of card.

Just don't go overboard with some long-winded cutesy
message when you sign it, though. Even married men dread
reading messages like that from their wives (just ask
my husband!). Stick to something simple like "Warmest
Wishes!" and sign your name (NO "LOVE!").

He'll appreciate receiving a card like this and it
should achieve your desired effect: to make him think
of you without reading too much into the gesture.

WARNING: If you're making a special trip to Hallmark to
buy him one of those oversized glitter-coated, two
snowmen snuggled up in front of a fire, sappy "My
days are happier because of our love..." type of
card, he WILL see right through your effort and
he could get freaked out.

WE'RE FLIRTING. SHOULD I GIVE HIM A SMALL GIFT?

You probably can't go wrong with a friendly token
like a box of chocolates. Find a subtle way to show your playful side.

You want to keep it casual, though.

Hopefully your gift will give him the encouragement he needs
to pursue you. This might start with him reciprocating your
gift. It's his turn now to step it up a bit and show you he's
interested. Hopefully HE'LL be the one to give YOU the
wine... fingers crossed that he offers to come share the bottle
with you!

WE'RE CASUALLY DATING. WHAT GIFT SHOULD I GIVE HIM?

Here's a reader question on this topic:

"Paige,

Maybe all of us could benefit from hearing some advice on
gift-giving. What to give to guys we're casually
dating. I actually have no idea even if he will give me a
gift, and I'm thinking of having something on hand in case
he does. What do you think? I'll bet there are many of
us who have the same questions.

Thanks so much for your response.
Karen"

* * * * * *

MY RESPONSE:

Karen touched on an important point.

When you're just flirting, fine - you give the guy
a small token without any expectation of reciprocation.
It's easily played off as the thoughtful gesture that
you extend to every friend.

When you're serious with someone, you're sure he'll be
giving you a gift so you know it's safe to reciprocate.

But when you're casually dating, you face dilemma that's
unique to this stage:

You don't want to come right out and give him a gift
because he may not have gotten you one (and then you
feel silly like you're taking the relationship more
seriously than he is)...

BUT you don't want to look stingy by leaving him
empty handed if he gives you a present.

Take a cue from Karen's savviness and have something
on hand just in case.

A book is always a safe bet. If you know his favorite
author, even better.

If you don't know what he likes to read, choose a
book by YOUR favorite author. It reveals something
personal about you and is a great way to connect on
a new level.

If you'd rather not go the book route, you can really
make a statement with some homemade cookies. This shows
that you've got a creative and domestic side (which can
be incredibly appealing to a man!) but is also a tradition
that people partake in every year (making batches of goodies
for friends and family) so it won't seem like you went
to a lot of extra trouble to bake something just for HIM.
In other words, it's a freak-out-proof gift!

IT'S GETTING SERIOUS WITH MY BOYFRIEND.
WHAT SHOULD I GIVE HIM?

It's really up to you!

When you're in a steady relationship with someone,
you want your gift to reinforce your connection by showing
that you pay attention to his likes and needs, and also
that you know him well enough to choose something that he
may never have thought of himself but will absolutely love.

Since I don't know your boyfriend personally, I can't tell
you what that gift is!

Don't give him a platinum-framed photo of the two of you
with your names engraved on it. He's smart enough
to get that hint and it could possibly freak him out.

Don't give him a fancy watch with "I'll love you til the
end of time" engraved on it. Trust me, my friend did this
once and her then-boyfriend freaked out and broke up with
her. That's some engraving she wishes she could take back!

Don't give him an all-expenses trip to Vegas with a "Little
White Wedding Chapel" brochure tucked into your card even
if it's "as a joke."

In fact, don't book a bed and breakfast stay or a tropical
vacation months in advance with the secret ulterior motive
that it's an "insurance policy" that you'll stay together.
This puts undue pressure on the relationship and could cause
an unwarranted freak out.

If you steer clear from gifts of this nature you have
nothing to worry about.

That's because if you're heart's in the right place -
giving him a gift that you know will make him happy and
feel loved - you can't go wrong.